Leadership roles are inherently complex, demanding a delicate balance between aspiration and reality – a dance between the aspirational “Fantasy-Self” and the grounding “Don’t-Be-Stupid-Self.” As leaders continue to straddle these two disparate worlds, the challenge lies in integrating both for better leadership.

The “Fantasy-Self” refers to the image we create in our minds of who we want to be as leaders. It’s a projection of one’s aspirations, values, and ideals. It’s the leader who always makes the right decisions, who is unwavering and flawless. The “Fantasy-Self” feeds on ambition and ignites the drive for self-improvement.

On the other hand, the “Don’t-Be-Stupid-Self” serves as a grounding force. This is the voice of reality, reminding of our human limitations, past mistakes, and areas needing improvement. It’s a reality check, bringing leaders back from the land of dreams and into the real world.

While the “Fantasy-Self” is inspiring, fixating on it may lead to feelings of inadequacy and shortcoming, as one can never reach this ideal. Conversely, an overemphasis on the “Don’t-Be-Stupid-Self” can dampen enthusiasm, curb risk-taking, and limit growth.

The key to effective leadership lies in acknowledging and embracing the dichotomy of these two selves. It’s about harnessing the inspiring vision of the “Fantasy-Self” while having enough self-awareness to keep grounded in reality. It involves translating the ambitious vision into achievable goals, coupled with acceptance of mistakes and failures along the way.

Maintaining a balance between the “Fantasy-Self” and the “Don’t-Be-Stupid-Self” is the essence of leadership’s inner work. It allows for a broader perspective, encourages humility, fosters resilience, and ultimately, shapes more grounded, authentic, and effective leaders.

About Author

Fay Niewiadomski

I awaken leaders to purposefully discern the best way forward, with such clarity, that they find within themselves the courage, wisdom, and compassion to do what they never dared to do before.

I’ve been privileged to work closely with C-level officers, presidents, ministers, global chairman, diplomats, board members, senior business and political leaders, and their teams to successfully navigate complex, high-stakes situations and make sound business and personal decisions resulting in profound and lasting change.

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